Citizens. Brothers and sisters. I have failed.
I have failed many times.
My first mistake was following blindly a leader, whose intentions might have been just, but whose choice of means was unreasonable. My subsequent mistakes were not questioning his words and actions at all. Considering how he mislead us… me… how can I believe everything else he imprinted on me? How do I know if my views are indeed mine?
I have failed in many ways.
Choices made were based on his teachings. Opinions were built upon his truths. Words were spoken that stemmed from his mouth.
I have failed friends.
Turning my back on friends and acquaintances that he said was unsuitable. Comrades in arms denied in their hour of need because he found them unworthy. Friends scoffed for pointing out the obvious wrongness of it all. How can they ever trust me again?
I have failed teachers.
Neglecting to restore the balance. Neglecting to see the imbalances right in front of me because he said they were insignificant or unimportant. Refusing what I knew to be true.
I have failed family.
Rejected my father because he was of another opinion. Denied my mother a son’s embrace because of false pride. Barely acknowledged my sister because of her acquaintances and choices. Will they ever love me again?
I have failed myself.
Plans rejected because he perceived them folly. Pride resigned and replaced by sightless obedience. Compassion denied in the name a false justice. Is that who I am? How do I know who I am, when he has been controlling me for so long? How can I trust myself?
I have failed in life.
He congratulated me on every victory. Now his words ring meaningless. What have I accomplished but empty victories? What have I done that anyone will remember?
I have failed in love.
He said emotions were a weakness. He did what he did for love, but denied me my own. Who can blame her for seeking comfort elsewhere?
I have failed in tolerance.
Mocking the flaws of others to achieve his acceptance. Denying any truth in the words of others, simply because they do not concur and focusing on the problems instead of seeking to discover the solutions. How can my mistakes be forgiven, when I would not tolerate the mistakes of others?
I have failed in respect.
Public ridicule of respectable people. Reacting with slander and insult to honest addresses. Thinking less or bigger people. How can anyone ever respect me when I cannot respect myself?
I have failed in intelligence.
Refusing to see what is in front of me. Refusing to see through his veils of lies. Refusing to think by myself, because the answers might be undesirable. Letting myself be led astray. Choosing his voice and ignoring the voices of wisdom, reason and experience. How can anyone acknowledge the wisdom of a puppet?
I have failed in responsibility.
Using a position of influence to further his objectives. Prioritizing the needs of one over the needs of the many. Choosing full disclosure where prudent concealment could have prevented dire consequences. Neglecting the balance.
I have failed in everything.
I have failed everyone.
Somewhere in the night of my mind, there is a hope that kindness will restore that place deep, dead inside of me.
Those in whom I had placed my trust have taken, shaken and abused my willingness to believe.
If only there were left, only an empty shell and not this wreathing, writhing blackness.
Charred faith. Charred hope. Charred trust.
Dust to dust.
I regret. I am ashamed. I apologize. I do not expect forgiveness, but hope you understand that I acted with one objective in mind: The safety and well-being of our race. My intentions were just, but my choice of means was unreasonable. Just like him.
I do not see how you can ever have faith in me, when I have lost faith in myself. As my first own and sensible action in many years, I hereby resign effective immediately from the position as Elder of Cenarius. The Kaldorei needs a guide in these dire times – not a marionette who cannot move without someone pulling the strings. I no longer trust my actions to be my own.
There are so many questions. There are so few answers. To answer the questions I must find myself. I must journey through the abysses and mountains of my own mind. I must enter the Dream and find the shards of my shattered soul. Hopefully I will be able to restore it and return some day.
Stay vigilant, my brothers and sisters.
Jondalar Greenfury
